I don’t know which is colder, the endless winter or my heart. I long ago gave up on others and whatever this weekend teen church retreat is supposed to be, it is nothing more than a ticket out of my house for a few days. There will be the girls I hate who will hate me by the end of the weekend because all their Christian crushes will stare at me across the chapel aisle. I knew how to disappear and undoubtedly one lost stray will follow me behind a shed, cigarettes in his pocket, shortly later his tongue will be in my mouth and his body pressed up against mine. He will struggle to breathe and unzip his jacket because of the heat generated between us and my blood will run cold as ice.